Hackers utterly fail to take down the Internet, thanks to Chuck Norris - 2/8/07
All it took was one roundhouse kick to the face
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Earlier this week, you surfed the web in peace. You didn't experience any problems as three of the Internet's most important servers fell victim to a Denial of Service Attack, launched by millions of "zombie" computers infected by "viruses." These servers are responsible for all traffic on the net, yet you didn't notice a difference as you downloaded entire galleries of porn. Why? Because of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was born in the small town of Ryan, Oklahoma. Since then, he has been directly responsible for over 41 million roundhouse kicks to the face, most of which caused immediate death.
On January 5, at 6:59 pm, the United States Department of Defense made a special call to Mr. Norris concerning some "chatter" they had picked up. Hackers were trying to bring down the internet. This was a matter of national security; they needed the best.
At 7:00 pm, the Department of Defense received a call from Chuck Norris. He told them, "The virus was supposed to attack a few seconds ago, but I stopped it. I also destroyed everyone responsible. America can sleep safe tonight."
Vice President Dick Cheney commented, "Damn, this guy's fast."
What they didn't know was that Chuck Norris ran with lightning speed to every server, reprogrammed it to be immune to the attack, and traced the attackers' IP addresses. He then gathered up every hacker responsible and delivered the most powerful roundhouse kick to the face ever recorded, obliterating all of them in a single blow. The resulting shock wave slightly displaced Earth's orbit and measured as a 7.9 on the richter scale.
After that, he needed to rest for about thirty seconds before calling Washington.
The US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates believes that Chuck Norris is a boon to the economy.
"He works for free. That's a heck of a lot cheaper than paying the entire military and the Secret Service for what this one guy can do. That's savin' us like... 82 billion dollars. Looks like somebody's getting a raise."
"I do it to protect my people," Chuck Norris said, and when he said that a golden light shined down on him, and some reported hearing a choir. He lept into the air and flew away, to another place, another time, another fight for justice, and another roundhouse kick to the face.
submitted by tr0n
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Written By: swadmin
Date Posted: 2/9/2007
Number of Views: 608
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