Apple updates iTunes, makes people buy songs over
Steve Jobs gets out of loony bin, only to return...
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Steve Jobs recently returned to work at Apple from his short stint in a mental hospital, a sabbatical he stated was necessary because of "extreme exhaustion", and announced a new version of their popular media playing and purchasing software, iTunes.
"iTunes 7.1, the newest in our iTunes software family, will allow you to enjoy your favorite iTunes movies, television shows and music right from your overpriced Plasma TV using our new and similarly overpriced Apple TV device," stated a company press release on the subject.
Not satisfied with mere press releases, we dug deeper to find the details on this new software. Apple Software Engineer's First Mate Montgomery LeVar gave us the skinny, "The new iTunes software is really just a minor tweak to one line of the Digital Rights Management code, to allow one unified package work on all Macintosh and PC computers, along with our new Apple TV device. This allows us to save resources in the creation of future iTunes packages. The downside is that the change in the DRM algorithm means you will have to buy all 4,500 songs in your collection again. I hear the guys in Accounting and Finance are working on a new Payday Loan service to go along with the new iTunes 7.1 to help people with the transition. I'm told the interest rates will be well below 120 percent. Do you not know a ripoff when you see one?"
On the new iTunes, Steve Jobs had been rumored to say during a board meeting, "This is just the first step. Get people used to buying their songs over and over again, so we can make a ton of money and get out from under the grip of these music companies. Then, artists can get the cut of profits they deserve!"
Soon after the rumor, Mr. Jobs was sent back to the very mental institution from which he had just been released. His psychiatrist, Dr. Lüsenüdel, stated his diagnosis as "Delirium, with tendency to distort reality." Jobs' prognosis was good, however, and he is expected to make a full recovery. The ShatteredWindows.com team wishes him the best.
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Written By: swadmin
Date Posted: 3/10/2007
Number of Views: 668
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