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Console Ownership, Gastric Bypass Rises
The rise of the couch potatoes, as predicted by Nostradamus...
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Media research company Nielsen reported an 18.5 percent increase video game consoles in US households today, along with a report by the National Medical Federation (NMF), a pseudo-scientific front corporation for closed-minded zealots, stating a 19.2% increase in childhood and early adult obesity.
Matt Kellhov, Marketing Guy for Nielsen was not surprised with the new statistics, "More Americans every day are using their next-generation game consoles as a sort of all-in-one entertainment device. We have been seeing this coming for a long time, seeing as how our statistics show that the average American is lazy, has an average IQ of 98 (lower than almost all other developed nations), and has trouble even finding the Power button on their remote. I mean, this is a culture that instead of creating the all-in-one device from the beginning, it created an all-in-one remote for the 20 different devices it has. Leave it to Japan to create the all-in-one entertainment machine. Numbers show those guys realy know what's going on."
Also reported, childhood and early adult obesity has risen during the same testing period. "The rise in console use almost directly correlates with the increase in obesity in this America," said Dr. Sid Lipid, spokesman for the NMF. "We need to realize that these kids are getting fatter and fatter, while video games make kids lazier and lazier, make them excercise less and less and make them eat more and more. I find the coincidence of these numbers more than just a coincidence, it's proof that we have proof of video games ruining American society. I believe that more and more video games should be banned, and banned fast. I will not stop until every video game console sold in the United States has a warning stating their known connection to obesity in the United States."
Dr. Lipid went on to report a 32 percent increase in Gastric Bypass surgery over the same time period. At the end of the interview, Dr. Lipid, and his twin brother Cid, got back to work doing repetitive lab tasks and lobbying to get useless regulations enacted that already exist to do the same thing we already have regulations for to require corporations to remind idiots of the patently obvious.
We contacted Nielsen to see if they had any information on how many console users had gotten or planned to get Gastric Bypass surgery, but alas, they did not have those data. They promised, however, to add it to their next demographic poll on console use. We will be watching for that report with great interest.
Some graphic elements, © Ethicon Endosurgery, Inc.
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Written By: swadmin
Date Posted: 3/11/2007
Number of Views: 653
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