|
Bill Gates leaves Microsoft, forms record label
He doesn't need instructions to know how to rock.
|
|
It is well known around the computer community that Bill Gates will soon be leaving Microsoft to pursue his charity efforts. What most people do not know, and we have confirmed, is that Gates is also forming and funding an underground music label. ShatteredWindows heard the rumors long ago, and chased down a Microsoft spokesman who gave us the usual “no comment”. We did some digging, and were amazed at what we discovered. ShatteredWindows is proud to reveal to the world: Bill Gates’s secret plans to conquer the music industry.
After Steve Jobs took the industry by storm with the phenomenal success of the iPod, Gates tried to counter with the Microsoft Zune, and failed. Eventually, Gates decided that the best way to take control of the music scene was from the inside, by starting the first record label guaranteed to be compatible with Windows devices.
The music label will be called Unknown Error, and the first band that has signed on with them is known simply as BSOD. As lead singer Brian Martinez explained, “BSOD is a name everyone will know and love, since so many people have experienced it.” There are other groups in talks with the new label, including underground fan favorites VXD Decimators, Buffer Overrun, and Kernel32. Many of the groups are hardcore metal and thrash bands, expressing their rage at computing.
“The music gives us a way to release our anger,” said Keith Wunderlin of Kernel32. “Instead of pounding on the keyboard, we pound on our guitars.”
Rock and metal aren't the only genres in Unknown Error's lineup. The new hip-hop inspired song “Baby, you turned my floppy drive into a hard drive” looks to be an instant hit. There is also country song called “You broke my computer, and my heart” which should be a favorite with the “For Dummies” crowd. There are rumors of a techno track called 00010110, but we're not sure if it's even real. Sources say that Unknown Error has hired world-famous producers to engineer the albums. Alpha versions are expected next year, followed by betas, with a release to manufacture sometime in late 2009. Service packs will be due the following year.
But it's not just about selling albums; the new venture is also allowing Bill Gates to fulfill a life-long dream.
“Bill has always dreamed of playing in his own band,” said producer Ray Novak. “Until now, that hasn't been possible because he has no musical talent. But with the power of Windows Vista, we're able to make anyone sound like a pro.”
On the new album, Bill will be working with several popular artists, including Ludacris, Marylin Manson, Akon, and Kenny G. The album is expected to launch a world tour for the Black Mountain Scorpion Hoedown Bluegrass Experience Gang, featuring Bill Gates on washtub bass. As such, Bill has assigned most management duties for the record label to Ray Ozzie, since he will be too busy touring and boozing, hanging out with groupies in limos and hotel rooms. Regardless of whether or not the album succeeds, Bill's enormous pile of cash will be sure to guarantee him the rock star life.
contributed by Ghost Writer and tr0n
|
|
Written By: swadmin
Date Posted: 4/25/2007
Number of Views: 4257
Return
|
|